Overcoming self doubt, the title of todays blog was inspired by my clients, everyone who comes to coaching or in any position of success has to rise above their own fears. It is untrue to think that people who have made it doing a job they love have perfect confidence and free of self doubt. Doing what you love in life means removing the control of fear not it’s existence. Like an equation, love – fear= purpose. Everyone at some point has to face their demons, their negative self talk and doubts. And good news is you don’t have to do it alone. That’s why I am here!
Where does self doubt come from? Often it will be someone else’s voice you’ve adopted and taken on from an early age and it has limited you and held you back from achieving your dreams, a teacher, a parent or family friend who had their own issues and projected it onto you and you took it for gospel. No, no, no. “There is no money in art, stick to a regular 9-5” “you’re not fast enough to be an athlete” ” you’re just a no good failure.”
Sound familiar? Sometimes those who love us most are our worst enemies.
It is time to recognise the pattern and distance yourself from it. Overcoming self doubt means not taking the voice so personally and seeing that it is not a true reflection of you in fact when it comes up see that it is a reminder that you are challenging these limiting conditions you have carried so long. You are not everything you think! With mindfulness you can be aware of the triggers which usually occur during tiredness, stress and exhaustion when those voices start on a negative cycle without your awareness or permission. Be fierce and vigilant in noticing them and even friend them and be playful instead of reacting.
Direct your thoughts and energy toward productive ways of thinking and being and when tired, exhausted and stressed, be gentle on yourself, listen to your body and get rest!
Some tips for dealing with Self Doubt:
1. Stop worrying what others think,“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” When you worry too much about what others are thinking you are wasting your time, truth is they might not be thinking about you at all. You will never live up to some peoples expectations so stop trying and focus on your best game. “Have no fear of perfection, you’ll never reach it”
2. Set short term goals as well as longer ambitious goals, at least short terms goals will give you a sense of accomplishment and evidence you can attain what it is you are after and consistently bask in frequent wins. This is important in also living and enjoying the process, no outsourcing your happiness to some future place or gap between then and now.
3. Look back for exceptions to the self doubt belief, times when you actually did the opposite and evidence that the self doubt is not real. Celebrate the success you do have and write a list of your achievements to date!
4. Surround yourself with successful people who can build you up, empower you and guide you and seek their regular feedback. Distance yourself from people who are needy, co-dependant, pessimistic and who have their own agendas for you that are not aligned with who you want to be.
5. Look for alternatives to situations that didn’t turn out the way you wanted, positive responses rather than negative especially when packaging and resolving memory, and actively choose to perceive the world in a positive way while moving toward your goals. Remember it is always a choice and being negative limits your effectiveness.
6. Face the things that scare you head on, evaluate the risk-reward scenario and push yourself forward. The more you push, the more you will learn what you are capable of and grow. Using mindfulness you can also observe your fear without personalising it.
7. Don’t beat yourself up being miserable. Give yourself compassion, forgive and move on. Sometimes you might need to distract yourself first, talk a long walk on the beach, a soak in the bath with candles, do a yoga session or simply go and have some fun. You deserve it.
Being afraid to fail might keep you in a safe and comfortable situation but you are ultimately going to sacrifice your personal and professional growth. Moving yourself forward despite fears will give you the opportunity to realise your potential, overcome your self doubt and eventually you may even learn that self doubt is just another tool you can use to challenge you to achieve greatness for yourself and others.
Love to hear in the comments how you overcome self doubt!
MINDFUL OVER MATTER WORKSHOP 1/8/2015
Join Melbourne Coach in a unique workshop experience this August 1st at Wellbeing in Hawthorn!
Mindful over Matter is a workshop designed to build confidence, give you tools to recognise habitual thought patterns, empower you to live the moment and nurture your sensual being.
Early Bird Special available for a few more days BUY NOW