Often people come to coaching because they ‘want’ something, or more of something and mostly change moving forward. Possibly they have reached a point of dissatisfaction and other times they are just wanting to step up and be supported in doing so. Many people however have a common themes of seeking greater fulfilment in life, how ever that may look.
The hunger for fulfilment quite often finds clients looking in the wrong places, they are looking for something they don’t have, something outside themselves to fill an empty space. That ‘something’ to fill the gaps can look as diverse as a better job, more money, a relationship, a successful business, a promotion, record sales for the year! But unfortunately having things is fleeting, we all know from when we bought a car, a new outfit, the sparkle of acquiring it wears off after a month. So as long as look outside for ways to have a fulfilling life we will be constantly hungry.
In dynamic coaching we ask what it takes for the client to be fulfilled, not just today but for the rest of our lives. You don’t reach a place of fulfilment, you can have it today. Changing the idea that fulfilment is being filled up, caped off, finished is one of the keys, thinking we will be filled today and tomorrow in a different way and next week some other.. This doesn’t stop our clients wanting things in life, it just means the things they want are an expression of fulfilment.
The state of fulfilment is not just feeling good, fulfilment has an effortlessness, harmony and congruency with the great laws of the universe. It can also exist in challenges when life is difficult and there is adversity especially when you are passionate about something and committed to it. Often simplicity can give you a sense of abundance, and a clearer picture of what is actually valuable to you.
Sometimes we even need to take action that doesn’t feel good in order to experience fulfilment, such as leaving a high paid job or getting up at 5am to exercise. Life can be fulfilling even if there is struggle.
Fulfilment is the state of being fully expressed for who we are!
Fulfilment is intensely personal and always evolving, what fulfilled you at 25 will be different at age 50. In coaching there are a number of ways to help clients clarify their personal definitions, mostly fulfilment is based on values and having a strong sense of awareness about values is the key to living with fulfilment. Helping clients discover and honour their values creates a map that can guide them through the decision making paths of their lives. Values are the essence of a person and living with purpose that honours your values is truly fulfilling. Honouring values is inherently fulfilling even when it is hard.
Values are not morals, there is no sense of right or wrong in values, values are not about moral character or even ethical behavoir, values are not principles either. There is nothing virtuous in a clients values. What is to be admired is not the value itself but your clients ability to live that value in their life.
When we live with values honoured we create various tones and it becomes a unique blended harmony. When we are not living with values there is discord, we feel out of tune and it is unhealthy, this usually manifests in physical, mental and emotional states. Values are intangible but it’s good to clarify them in coaching, using your own words and understanding and they usually arise out of the context of a clients life.
We must look out for ‘gremlins’, thoughts that impose a different set of actions for life, the should’s, the musts, the conditions we place upon ourselves that don’t honour our hearts. Often change can be the enemy of living in values, the protector of the status quo is more about keeping you comfortably numb than living a truly fulfilling life.
Moving past the negative thoughts, the client can inhabit the future self, free of the opinions of others, knowing their own strength, the heart of the decision is what gives courage, the future self can look forward with detachment and compassion, composed with what the clients knows today’s but without the restraints. Fulfilment is developed in the imagination so therefore is not limited to what is realistic in your version of the world today. The future vision is important to understand, especially when discovering fulfilment, when you are unsure of the path and feel locked in a an un-fulfilling life.
Fulfilment and life purpose are closely linked and discovering your values and what fulfils you now is the key to capturing the essence of being truly alive. A mission statement or vision is a great exercise to try at home, get to the heart of your legacy, imagine at your funeral what will your family and friends say about you that warms your heart and makes you proud. How do you want to touch people’s lives?
Defining your life purpose usually takes time, it involves reflection, reading, experience and often writing and journalling. Coaching is a great platform for building self awareness around these themes and asking the central questions in life are a great start. The value of a life purpose statement is a focus and MAP for being fully alive, expressed, like the uranium block that powers your reactor!
Make your life purpose rich with self discovery, value clarity, and most of all vision, use all the talents you have been given so your life is a fruitful place to be.by